Almost
by thatsformetoknow
Summary: Throughout the time they spend together, there's a whole lot of things that L almost does. LxLight.
1. Chapter 1

_One_

The air is cold, so cold in fact that puffs of breath can be seen in the darkness that surrounds them, only illuminated by the moon and the stars that litter the sky.

They are up on the roof, for no reason other than the fact that Light had simply asked.

They have finished work for the day and had been about to go up to bed when Light had asked if they could go outside to look at the stars.

L knows that it is because of all the time he spent in confinement and he catches himself feeling a little guilty about it. He suppresses the feeling, however.

Light is gazing up at the inky blue sky, lit up by hundreds of tiny stars (which in fact are not tiny at all) and he lets out a long breath, and like fog it swirls out in front of him before dissipating all together.

His eyes are wide and L thinks that he looks absolutely breathtaking.

L's lips part and he takes a breath as if to say something, his gaze never leaving Light's face.

 _'Light-kun is really very beautiful.'_ Almost leaves his lips but he doesn't allow it.

He'd processed that thought long before he'd realised the implications of it.


	2. Chapter 2

_Two_

Matsuda's voice can be heard chattering away but L isn't listening and he can tell from the concentrated look on Light's face as he stares at his computer screen that neither is he.

He's reading over something and L wonders briefly if he should know what it is (being in charge of the case and all) but he decides against it; he trusts Light to be working efficiently.

His eyes settle on Light's face and the way he is biting his lip ever so slightly that you'd miss it if you weren't observing him as L is currently doing.

He tries to put a strawberry in his mouth but misses completely (neither having been paying attention or looking) and wipes the side of his face on the back of his hand, aiming again - he gets it in his mouth this time and chews on the sugared fruit.

Light's hair has fallen into his face a little and surely that's disrupting his vision and therefore reading, consequently his concentration? Evidently not.

L lifts a hand up towards Light's face and almost brushes his hair out of it but recoils at the last moment, hand suspended in air, fingers curling in on themselves and then he brings his hand back down.

Fortunately, he'd used the chain-free hand so that Light had not noticed a thing, however the same cannot be said for Light's father, who is eyeing him with a frown. A curious one, however.


	3. Chapter 3

_Three_

L is awake, as per usual. The time on the clock reads in bright red letters _04:28_ and L looks in the direction of the curtains; he can see the first light of the morning behind them, heavy as they may be. The sunlight is finding little ways to light up the room.

He hears a whimper and his head whips around to his bedmate.

Light's face is contorted in what can only be fear and L cocks his head, unused to seeing the young boy in such a vulnerable state.

He whimpers again and his eyes screw tighter together than they already are and L moves closer, laying a tentative hand on Light's arm.

He un-tenses a little at the touch and L lays the other on him too. Light's heart rate is still erratic and L moves to lift him up, almost taking the boy into his arms to soothe him.

He stops and lifts his hands from Light's warm skin, moving away and returning his gaze to the curtains.

He can hear Light's breathing steady and calculates that there is an eighty-seven percent chance that his touch soothed Light and he wonders if he should have held him.

Light is not a heavy sleeper, however and L does not wish to find out how Light would react to waking up in L's arms.

No. Definitely not.


	4. Chapter 4

_Four_

L and Light are sitting side by side at the breakfast table and Light hasn't started eating yet; he's watching amusedly as L arranges his assortment of confectionaries that _really shouldn't_ be eaten for breakfast into different patterns, stopping to put a few in his mouth.

L stops, suddenly aware of eyes on him and he turns to Light who is smirking at him.

L's eyes narrow but not out of spite or defence, more out of a teasing playfulness as he picks up a square of chocolate.

He almost directs it towards Light's mouth but thinks better of it and puts it into his own,

He goes back to arranging gummy bears into a leader and an army, eating the army one at a time until there is only the leader left and he picks it up and glances at Light.

Light is still intently watching him, as if trying to understand the strange mannerisms that L displayed and gummy bear in hand, again he almost directs it towards Light's mouth.

He doesn't, however, and simply offers it to the other boy who shakes his head upon realising that the sweet is being offered to him.

'Light-kun is not eating.' L states, chewing the bear and Light looks away, picking up his fork and eating a forkful of egg.

 _(How does he eat that for breakfast?_ L wonders.)


	5. Chapter 5

_Five_

They're sitting on the sofa in their room when it happens. They begin to piece together a few different things and it all makes sense suddenly.

'How didn't we get this beforehand?' Light asks with a laugh.

'I don't know but at least we know now.' L replies, corners of his lips upturning.

Light points to the screen. 'And don't forget that... Could it link... Here?' He points to a different location on the screen and L almost throws his arms around the brunette's neck as a smile forms on his face.

'You're brilliant, you are.' L settles for, deciding that hugging Light would perhaps be a little out of character for him. Or a lot.

'So I've been told.' Light replies teasingly and L finds himself smiling again.

Funny really, how his prime suspect is the one to make him smile these days more than he has in years, with something as simple as a witty remark or if he's witness to Light's own smile decorating his face.

He smiles again at the thought.

'You're smiling a lot today.' Light observes.

He almost tells Light that it's because he's happy (because Light makes him happy) but decides against that too.

( _Two in one day, that's a first,_ he muses.)

'Watari promised to buy me more sweets.' He easily lies, though it would have served him better to come up with a more convincing one as Watari buys him sweets whenever he pleases.


	6. Chapter 6

_Six_

'Light!' Misa sings as she throws her arms around him. 'I'm off to bed now, do you want to come and join me?' She giggles flirtatiously and flutters her eyelashes.

'I'm still chained to Ryuzaki, Misa.' Light replies, glancing at L who is amusedly watching the situation unfold.

'He can come too, I don't mind.' She giggles again. 'He can bring his laptop and sit in an arm chair and we can go to _bed.'_

'Erm- Misa... I - Ryuzaki...' He splutters, heat rising in his cheeks.

'I'm only joking, Light. I don't want Ryuzaki there so I guess I'll just have to wait until I can have you all to myself.' Her laugh is airy and light as she kisses Light's cheek and skips out of the room.

'Light-kun doesn't need to be embarrassed.' L says and suppresses a smile as Light flushes deeper red.

'I'm not!'

'You're blushing.' He says. _'It's cute.'_ He almost says.

'Yes, well-...' He says with a huff. 'I don't...'

'It's okay, I'm not judging.' L teases.

'Just stop talking please.' Light groans.

'Why ever would I do that?' He smirks and Light groans again. 'Perhaps you'd like to go up to our _bed,_ Light-kun?' L says in mock flirtation and Light whacks his arm lightly.


	7. Chapter 7

_Seven_

It's a rare occasion that L sleeps for more than an hour or two at a time and tonight is no exception.

The first thing he notices is that he's incredibly warm, it's quite nice actually and he could probably go back to sleep if he tried, but he opens his eyes and blinks a few times.

The clock reads _02:56_ and Light is sleeping soundly beside him.

Like, _right_ beside him. As in, pressed up against him, reason for his warmth beside him.

L's breath catches in his throat and he realises that he's so _close_ to Light that his nose is brushed lightly against Light's neck and his warm breath is tickling Light ever so slightly in his sleep.

L's eyes widen at this realisation and he needs to move away.

He almost doesn't. Almost lets himself fall back asleep, pressed up against and curled around the younger boy.

However, he scoots away, quietly and slowly so as not to wake Light but he keeps his eyes open.

He has rather good night vision, a side effect of his insomnia it seems and he watches as Light's chest rises and falls with each breath and how he sighs contentedly in his sleep.

L wishes that he could sleep so soundly, so peacefully, uninterrupted.

He can't, but he can always try, so he lets his eyes fall closed once more and waits for sleep to claim him.


	8. Chapter 8

_Eight_

'Light-kun, Light-kun, Light-kun.' L says, shaking Light's shoulder to wake him as Light blearily groans and feebly tries to push L away from him.

'No...' He moans softly, keeping his eyes closed.

'Time to wake up, Light-kun.' L says, blowing warm air onto Light's face which makes him screw his face up adorably and whine.

( _Adorably, well, that certainly is a development.)_

'The alarm didn't... Go off yet.' Light says with a yawn.

'It's morning though, Light-kun. The sun is high in the sky and I'm hungry!' L almost whines but he chastises himself - Light is only eighteen and L is twenty-four. Twenty-four year olds most certainly do _not_ whine.

 _(Well, maybe just this once,_ he thinks as his stomach growls.)

'Light-kunnnn.' He whines and he doesn't realise quite how close he is to Light's face until he can feel Light's breath on his lips and he realises just how _close_ they are to Light's and he would only have to move exactly three-point-four centimetres closer for their lips to touch.

He moves two-point-six of those.

L almost kisses him.

He pulls back in shock; never has he ever had the desire to kiss someone in all of his twenty-four (nearly twenty-five) years of living and he bites his lip as he thinks to himself that perhaps if it was Light he wouldn't mind.

He yanks the chain and Light promptly falls out of bed.


	9. Chapter 9

_Nine_

Light is working and admittedly, L should be working too. However, he is not. He is turned in his chair and he is (for want of a better word) staring at Light.

Observing? Considering?

They are alone, at least; the last thing he needs is Mr. Yagami trying to talk to L about his son after the last incident. L cringes at the thought.

Light's hair is in his face again, L's found that it does that a lot despite how perfect it always seems (always is).

And this time when L moves to brush it out of his face, he doesn't move away or leave his hand suspended in the air. He moves forward and brushes it behind his ear in a fluid motion and Light turns to look at him, startled.

Their eyes lock and neither one of them breaks the gaze.

L realises that the only reason he had allowed himself to brush Light's hair out of the way was because he had been stopping himself fro, leaning over and kissing the boy.

This time, however, the tables have turned and Light is leaning in, a nervous look on his face paired with determination.

L's breath catches in his throat and for a moment he finds his eyelids feeling heavy as they fall closed.

( _There's no way that Light didn't feel my breath on his lips this morning.)_

He almost lets Light kiss him.

He pulls away at the last moment and swallows thickly; Light's lips had been exactly one-point-seven centimetres away from his own and he almost wishes he'd let him close that tiny gap.


	10. Chapter 10

_Ten_

L is awfully quiet this evening. He and Light are no longer chained together but they are still sitting together in what appears to be a comfortable silence but in all actuality is anything but comfortable.

L knows.

Light knows that L knows (similarly, L knows that Light knows that he knows).

Light is Kira. He is Kira once more.

L is wondering what this feeling inside of his chest is that can only be described as 'sinking'. He can feel his stomach knotting up and he wonders for a moment if he is going to throw up.

He isn't, he decides.

He almost considers asking Light about _it_ but as he glances over, he sees a boy who is not Light. This is Kira then.

He almost wants to run away but he doesn't. He briefly considers if this is bravery, sitting opposite Kira on a sofa as they engage in a game of chess.

No, he concludes, it isn't.

He doesn't have a lot of time left with Light, they both know this much and L wonders if Light feels as he does or if he's already plotting L's death.

He almost shudders at that but keeps his composure, he thinks that if he _is_ fearful of alight then he certainly doesn't want the boy opposite to know it.

He's been doing a lot of wondering lately, everything is so uncertain and he decides that he hates it.


	11. Chapter 11

_Eleven_

L hasn't been able to sleep for at least two weeks now; not since...

He's tossing and turning in bed and it's scheduled for tomorrow but there's still time...

Still time to save him...

Kira is the worst mass murder that this world has ever seen, could L, in good conscience save him?

Could he perhaps lock him away from the world? For Light's own safety and everyone else's?

He doesn't know much about the death note but he does know that Light somehow lost his memories before... Could he ask him to do that again?

He picks up his phone and finds himself dialling Light's number though he is only a few doors down the hall.

He presses a button; the wrong one, or perhaps the right one depending on perspective.

He dials again, though this time he does not dial Light, he phones Watari though he is only upstairs. He presses the right button this time (or perhaps the wrong one).

'L?' The voice down the phone says sleepily and L glances at the clock that reads _05:23._

'I have come to a decision regarding Light-kun.'

There is silence on the other end of the line.

'...It will go ahead. I cannot in good conscience let him live, he is a criminal and has taken more lives than most people could fathom.'

He _almost_ saves Light from the death penalty.


	12. Chapter 12

_Twelve_

Tonight is the first night that L has cried since he was seven years old. He's realised now, what that heavy feeling in his chest was, that sinking feeling, the inexplicable hurt and sorrow.

That was his heart _breaking._

L is sitting in what was their bed, back when Light had no memories of Kira and he thinks of how Light looked, face contorted in fear as he experienced a nightmare and how L was overcome with the urge to wrap him in his arms to soothe him. How on that sofa over there he'd realised that Light makes him happy, that he'd almost thrown his arms around Light in a hug.

How he'd almost kissed Light and then later, downstairs, how close he'd been to almost letting Light kiss him.

If he'd just realised sooner... He did, _almost._

Would it have made a difference? Had he realised, would he have changed his mind about Light's fate?

He's as good as killed him himself and L seriously nearly throws up at that.

His pillow still smells of him, which isn't fair really. That's just cruel, isn't it? To leave L only with a pillow and a whole pile of almost's?

He inhales and sighs as hot tears slide down his cheeks.

Because he's realised now that there's no almost about it.

Most certainly, without a shadow of a doubt, L is in love with Light Yagami. Kira. The worst mass murderer this world has ever seen.

A beautiful boy who is already dead, killed effectively by L's hand and for a moment he wishes that he had never made that phone call to Watari, that he had left it a little longer.

But he knows, that even if he could have saved Light, he never would have truly had him.

 _He only ever would have had him almost._

* * *

 _End_


End file.
